Bart Simpson at the blackboard

I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in the pulpit again.
I will not use the word crap in th.....
I will not use the word ........
I will not us........
..........

preaching crap and evangelist pumpkins

The sermon came out fine. Many people connected with what I had to say. I still think I missed something somewhere. Ah well. After much deliberation with one of the members of my test congregation, on whom I try out sermons before I inflict them on the real congregations, I decided to leave the word "crap" in today's homily. I made my point without offending anyone (as far as I can tell). I got a hug from the rector's husband after the service! He's a very stern man; highly educated, and very formal. I almost always address him as doctor. He said I had a gift for preaching. I keep hearing that, but I never would have expected it from him -- the hug either. He was downright bouyant. That was cool.

Today I put together the candy treats I'll handout on Tuesday evening. I made Tootsie Pops look like little ghosts. All together now... aaaawwwwwww. Last night I helped another student do the "spooky seminary tour." We shared all the ghost stories and showed people all the spooky places -- including Mrs. Anderson's crypt under the altar (cell phones make effective flashlights in pitch black). Yesterday during the day I carved my Halloween pumpkins. I'll set them out tomorrow morning in a conspicuous place. Did you know that pumpkins shrink after you carve them and they begin to dry out? The images got a little distorted, but you can still make them out. I did the gospel evangelists as they are depicted as ox, person, eagle and lion. I reckon that counts as halloween costumes for them. What a creative Halloweentide this year has been. Martha Stewart eat your heart out.

extra-early sermon prep

(A darkened arena. A little smoky. An enclosed ring looking not unlike a desktop. An echoey voice.)

In this corner corner... the challenger challenger... weighing in at 2 and 1/3 years in seminary... with a record of 6 homilies, four by technical knockout... Laurel Laurel... "the Rookie" Rookie... Daaaaaaaahiiiiiiiiill... (some muffled whoops).

And in this corner corner... the champion champion... weighing in at eternity... with a record of salvation... The Holy "Boom Boom" Spiiiiiriiiit... (peals of cheer).

(A husky voice)

Okay let's have a clean sermon here. You know the rules: Keep it grace-filled. No grammatical errors. No heresy. Now go back to your corners and come out preaching.

two kingdoms?

The presentation I stayed up late to put together went well. I had rehearsed it yesterday morning to make sure everything worked and it did. When I went to present it to the class I couldn't get the overhead projector to work. We had to all huddle around the laptop -- just like in the olden days.

We ended the class by watching the last scenes of "The Mission" (1986), a movie that made me rethink the whole Kingdom of God thing I'd felt so good about in my presentation. It would have been an excellent movie for my "Violence in the Hebrew Bible" class, as we're looking at the creation of sin/violence/bad stuff. It makes me think that it isn't possible to speak of the Kingdom of Heaven without regarding the Kingdom of Hell. Don't press me too hard on this one. I haven't got it figured out completely yet.

It seems to me that looking at the two kingdoms is like being in a windowless room with a lightbulb. You cannot have the light without darkness, but you can have darkness without light. Light is only visible when it reflects on something which then creates a shadow -- or darkness. So if we go back to creation, sin/badness and so forth was created at the very beginning when God said "let there be light."

So... does that mean that the kingdom of God is reliant on the kingdom of bad stuff? Is it a cosmic episode of Roadrunner & Coyote? It suggests that goodness cannot exist alone; that there must be bad at the same time. The gospel of John says that darkness cannot overcome light (1:5). That's comforting, although it doesn't solve anything. Maybe bad is a byproduct of good. Maybe bad isn't itself createable, but appears at the moment of the creation of something good. "Every new thing contains within itself the seeds of its own destruction." I forget who said this but it seems to apply here.

Gosh, now I've confused myself. It was the Roadrunner & Coyote that threw me off. Think you can shed some light on this?

the kingdom of god is...

I was up until midnight last night putting the finishing touches on a presentation I have to give later today. I had meant to be done and in bed by eleven, but I added stuff, and tweeked, and you know how that goes. I was using one of the classrooms and I had it all to myself. Nice. When I left I counted the number of lighted windows in the apartments and dorms-- juniors burning the midnight oil on that paper or small group project. Ah, I remember those days. I remember them well. Heck, I'm still doing it! Anyhoo, I think the presentation looks good. I was even able to synch it to music -- sort of. The tune I want to use is in my iTunes files, but Powerpoint won't access it and embed it into the presentation. So I have to hand-synch the images to the music (*shrug*).

Gotta start class now. Anglican Worship, also known as marathon typing.

Go Saints!

We had our annual football game against the Nashota House Black Monks today. I have to say I was very impressed with the collegiality on the field. The last time I played there was at least one near-fight involving players from both seminaries, and the whole atmosphere was charged with an ugly kind of competition. Then there was a whole fallout later with the publishing of a blog entry and a response from a bishop, which probably only added to the animosity on both sides.

The 2005 game was hosted by Nashotah, but I went to the ordination of my friend instead. (This should be your just-about-one-year anniversary, Jane. Congrats!) I would have liked to have played and seen their school. Ah well. In some ways it was my small protest against the policies of Nashotah regarding the role of women in ministry, but mostly it was to celebrate Jane. Still, though, I do like away games.

We were expecting 85 visitors today. The sacristans brought in extra seating to accommodate them, but not all 85 attended the eucharist before the game. I wasn't surprised. There were two sacristans from the Junior class that attended to the communion rail. I shared with them how pleased I was with the day, but they were really affected by what they saw.

Although it looked to me like everyone who attended the eucharist also went to the rail to receive communion, not everyone accepted it from the presider. As far as I can tell no one was disrespectful, but a significant number asked for a blessing instead of bread. This really saddened my First Year colleagues. I think it was a rude awakening for them to the realities of our church. I rejoice that our visitors accepted the invitation to the table, as it may have been a difficult thing for some to do. Personally, I consider a blessing to be in many ways a more intimate act between priest and communicant than simply placing a pinch of bread in the hand. I'm not surprised that some of the Nashotah folks did what they did, but I think it's something that should be discussed with the new Seabury students (not just the sacristans), for whom this reality was a shocking and saddening new thing.

At the cookout after the game I met some very nice people. There was good mixing between the schools. After lunch we reluctantly handed over the Lavabo Bowl. They have been so kind to mind it for us for the past three years. The Black Monks bested us with one touchdown in the second half. They didn't get the extra point, though. Considering they waaay out-numbered us and their average age was at least seven years younger, I think we played an impressive game. Today was the first time I've ever seen the beloved prize. In 2004 I was outside for the presentation and missed it. Do you know what the trophy is?






!?

It's a stainless steel mixing bowl! For this we stir up school pride. Ah well. Go Saints.

no will to fail

We had a meeting for all the Field Ed participants yesterday. Mostly it was to go over everybody's expectations. One of the participants said a healthy expectation on the part of the student was to "be willing to fail." He used a baseball image to illustrate his point. He said a batter has to be willing to strike out seven out of ten times if he expects to get a three hundred average. I see a flaw in this -- and not just that he used a sports metaphor.

First of all a three hundred batter has to go to the plate with the intent and expectation of hitting the ball. A three hundred hitter can't be "willing" to strike out. Failure would be to not to go to the plate when you're up. Failure is not attempting something you know you can do, whether it's hitting a ball or running a parish. My choice not to try to hit a ball pitched by a World Series pitcher isn't failure, but rather discretion. It's probably the same discretion that keeps pitchers in bullpens and not pulpits. Willingness to fail is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Success then is a subjective matter. A clear sense of what the goal is is key to getting there. I would remind my gentle readers of the 5 Ps apporach (proper planning prevents poor performance). For me "success" is putting everything I have into a project. I'll work something from every possible angle, so that when I'm done I can say I did my best, and there was nothing else left for me to give. If ultimately the thing bears fruit, great; if not, it wasn't for lack of trying. As of today I can report remarkably few things that did not bear fruit.

A juggernaut approach? No, not really. It's more like a strategic assessment with risks and benefits calculated, and expected outcomes determined. If a thing is worth my attention, it will get all of it, assuming healthy boundaries of course.

When I worked in summer stock we had a saying: "fail to suck." If there must be such a tough love expectation as "be willing to fail," I would have to counter it with this. I respectfully disagree with the Field Ed participant. I am sorry sir, but I will never "be willing to fail."

snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

It's snowing today. It isn't enough to accumulate on streets or sidewalks, but it's sticking to grass and trees. The first snow is always magical. This makes up for yesterday. And how 'bout that forshadowing of blog entry titles.

raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens...

Today was truly crummy.

Maybe it was the cold, rainy and overcast I woke up to, that made me sleepy all day. I think I dozed off in the sacristy before Morning Prayer. I was standing up! I rested my head on the cushy vestments on the counter and the next thing I knew 7 minutes had gone by. I really think I was asleep. After that I got giged by Ruth. She came into the sacristy after the service to correct me on something I've been doing for over two years. Now she tells me. There's a discrepancy between the rubrics in the Book of Common Prayer and the Seabury Customary. I've been going with the BCP this whole time and nobody's said anything. My case was closed with, "This is how we do it at Seabury." Well, that's that then. Oh, the other thing she corrected me on was the lighting. I "forgot" to turn on the overhead lights, and on a dark day like today it's hard to see in the chapel. I felt it was unwise to explain that I didn't "forget." I was going for ambiance. I just said okay.

The rest of the day was a blur of rushing from place to place with narry a moment to stop. I won't bore you with the details. Suffice it to say I was entirely overbooked. I hate when that happens. When I'm trying to get everything done I really hate interruptions.

Finally, I tanked on an assignment for my evening class. I thought I was supposed to give an oral report, no writing. Actually I had to do both. On top of all the other things I had to do, I had to write "a few sentences" (according to my class notes) about the topic. So that's what I did. Everybody else had these beautiful things written, and I had a few sentences. Then I couldn't print it out because the internet was down. It didn't help that I had to go first. It didn't help that what I had to report on was the third chapter of a book and the presenters for the first two chapters weren't there. And it didn't help that I was so damn tired that I could hardly put my thoughts together.

Thank God it's over.

tea and scholarship

I like a cup of tea after my afternoon nap. I seldom get to nap even though I like to think it's part of my daily routine. The afternoon cup of tea is a more regular feature of my days. Today I got both. When I woke up from my 25-minute powernap, I found Kathryn had come home and was doing the dishes. Our kitch is too small for more than one person at a time (it's not even big enough to earn the whole word "kitchen"), so I forewent the tea and retreated into the office to read. A short while later, to my great surprise and delight, Kathryn brought me a steaming cup of my favourite tea and pirate cookies! She even prepared the tea just the way I like it.

Now I ask you, does it get any better that this?

okay, okay

Four of my gentle readers have now asked me where I've been lately. That's three more than I thought read my blog. Looks like you're in good company.

Today is just past the halfway point in the second week of classes. So far so good. Most of my classes are in the evenings. I never thought I'd like night classes, but this is turning out to be a good schedule for me. Classes meet only once a week for three hours. Being the highly self-motivated person that I am, this leaves me almost all day to prep for each class. I can get a ton of stuff done (reading mostly, but writing and presentation planning as well) during the day. Then, at 9:30 or so in the evening when classes are done, I'm done (read: decent bedtime -- unless of course there's a tornado, or wicked hail storm that keeps me and my neighbors up all up night: "storm? oh yea, it was wild. pass the vino. chocolate anyone?") The other nice thing about evening classes is the change I'm implementing into my diet (no I'm not trying to lose weight - honestly gentle readers, how could you think such a thing?). I've heard it said that it's better for one's metabolism if one eats her large meal at midday rather than at night. That's what I'm doing. I've also started on a new vitimin regimen. I feel good.

That reminds me, for those of you who wanted to know:

















This was the result of misjudging speed and distance between the front tire and the curb. Not the best image, but you can clearly make out the cable lines. It would be really cool if you could read the word "Trek" backwards, but that's not where the decal was. Let me just say for the record: "ouch."

And just so I don't leave you with that yucky image:

















The cats send their fondest regards.



















Aaaawwww, she's soooo cute. Oh look, Roz is in the picture too.