exhausted: spiritually, physically, emotionally

It has been a crazy couple weeks.

Spiritually: I was contacted by a priest who's planting a new church in Chicago. She was very interested in getting me involved. This is really where I feel called and it seemed like a great opportunity. I mentioned it to my rector, J., at our meeting last week, and she told me I wouldn't have time for that. It is very disappointing. I know this process will be very different from Massachusetts, but I'm still a little gun-shy. I really don't want a repeat of MA. That has to be the single most painful thing I've ever had to go through. But here I go again, answering my call. What's that you say; fool for Christ? Well, yup.

Physically: Had a few late nights, and tonight is sure to be another. These get harder and harder every year. I drove down to Indianapolis (area) for an ordination on Sunday. What a long and boring drive. K. and I spent close to 2 hours driving through a beige sea of mown corn fields. Aye carumba! And, it seems all I do is race from place to place to get things done. I hardly have time to be a student sometimes.

Emotionally: Today I and a classmate participated in a disputatio (a debate of sorts, or "dispistachio" as I took to calling it last night -- a much more palatable name) on the topic of child abuse and the secrecy of the confessional. The opposing counsel argued for the absolute secrecy of the confessional, no matter what. We argued that an exception must be made in the case of ongoing physical and sexual abuse of a child. I've been researching it for over a week and the information that I've had to sift through made me nauseous. More than once I had to stop and go outside to the cold air. The only way I could get through it was to look at it as thought it were a contest for the best persuasion, and not think about the actual children. I think we made a good argument, but there's also a good chance we'll lose. The absolute secrecy canon can't be gotten around as it stands right now.

Gotta go -- paper to write tonight, you know. No rest for the weary.

the ordination process continues...

I'm re-starting my process here in Chicago at St. Matthew's, Ev'tn. It comes as no surprise that I have to start from scratch again, but the thought of having to rewrite the spiritual autobiography, et al, is surprisingly tedious. I feel like I've been moving down the highway, learning, changing, building on what I already know, and now I've got to pull over so that I can get another discernment committee up to speed. Yes, yes I know there are new things to learn each and every time I tell my story, but I'm tired of re-runs. I want to get to the next episode.

I had a meeting with my rector this morning to go over expectations. She is eager to get me back to the 10:30 service. I've been going to the 8 so I could do this ODCC project. It sounds like I need to cut the project off early in order to participate in some of the more important happenings at St. Matthew's. It's nothing personal, just the way the calendars sync up. There are a number of other things she wants to get me working on that will take up a good chunk of time. I've got some ideas of things I'd like to introduce to the community, too.

I was just getting used to the idea of self-directed study. Now I find my life is not my own. I was ready for this last year at this time, and now I've got to get re-used to it again.

clarification

ODCC is the Open Door Community Church. They are a small but enthusiastic bunch. They're web site isn't very strong, so there's no way to tell what this community is really like - I mean beyond the mission statement. With a little savvy you can get to their home church in Sherwood, AK, and the sister church in Colorado. You can get a better idea at least of how they see themselves and their purpose.

I've been referring to the ODCC in my entries for months now. I thought my kind readers were up to speed on the abbreviation. I look forward to your highly intelligent and insightful comments. People, people, try to stay with me on this. ;)

The meeting didn't happen that night after all. Bob called to reschedule, citing health issues that kept him from preparing properly. We'll try again next week.

ODCC

I've got a meeting tonight with Bob. We're going to talk about developing the church. Since I've been there they've gone from 15 to 25 members with an increase in regular attendance. Their Christian education now includes a weekly Bible study that I got started back in December with an Advent-themed series. It was interesting that they seemed to have a hard time using the word "Advent." Bob has decided to continue the Friday night Bible study and gave them the choice of text to focus on. They decided on Song of Songs. Bob has also begun to ask them to take on more responsible roles for 6 months at a time. My questions for him tonight asks if he's got a concrete plan for growth and development. Are there stages of development? How will he motivate people to take on responsible roles and keep their interest in them? On a slightly different track I'd like to know how their prayer shapes or changes their community.

One of the most striking things I witness every week is that Bob doesn't preach from a selection of scripture. He has a message that I know he can attach to a verse and back it up solidly, but he doesn't do that. They don't follow a lectionary, and there's nothing wrong with that necessarily. When it's my turn to preach I can do it on anything I want, which is nice, but... There are Bibles in the room, but they never get opened. I have to wonder how these people understand themselves as part of the larger story. Bob wants them to embrace themselves as "gay Christians," an identifier that stands in striking contrast to mainline Christianity in middle America, and certainly in opposition to many of the traditions these people come from. I would think he'd want to draw from the plethora of material in scripture, but it remains as yet unused.

Furthermore, our prayers are inwardly directed. We pray for the members in attendance, and those who couldn't make it, but that's it. We don't talk about the outside world. The praise music we begin our services with tells me that God is great and that I should worship him (yes, "him"), but why? And who is God anyways? I don't see the kind of theology in the praise music that I hear in our Hymnal. I hate to sound like a music snob, and certainly, I haven't the expertise to qualify anyways, but shouldn't there be more to it? The brevity of the lyrics reflects the brevity of the prayers. How can this community grow if they aren't reaching out?

I want to end this on a positive note, because I think the ODCC serves an important function in evangelism. The membership would agree that they've grown their spirituality in important ways that might not have been possible elsewhere. They are eager to learn and experience more. Conversations about how the Holy Spirit moves in their lives reveal wonderful, hopeful stories. It appears they are at an important junction in the life of their community. Based on Bob's background I think they'll suceed. The question is how?

Saturday thusfar

I spent the day with Bernard of Clairvaux today until I couldn't take it anymore. Bernie and I simply aren't connecting. I'd rather go back to Julian of Norwich. I'll chip away at it some more later. In the mean time I made an awesome beans and rice -- my best yet -- and no, I won't share the secret ingredient. But I will say it was my best effort so far. Then Roz and I curled up on the couch to watch the Eukanuba Tournament of Champions. It's the only time Roz is let up on the couch with all four paws. We were especially attentive to the Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and the Irish Wolfhound. My sister is interested in the King Charles -- I think because it looks more like a cat than any other dog. I believe the commentators, however, said the Papillon was more cat-like than any other dog. It's known to preen like a feline. I am interested in the Irish. The dog de jour for hearing dogs is currently the Bichon Frise, according to Bark Magazine, but I'm partial to something with more heft. They don't get much heftier than the Irish. See, my plan is to introduce a Wolfhound puppy to Roz before she goes to sit at the Right Paw of Dog. That way the Irish will learn from both me and Roz what she's supposed to do. That's the plan anyways, a smooth transition. It goes against my rule about no more than five living beings in the house at any one time, though. And I'm not sure how suited the Wolfhound is to being a hearing dog. They say the Bichon is very smart and well-suited to hearing, but I think think the cats would have their way with it. That's just not right. Anyways, gotta get back to reading. I can't do the Selected Works of Bernard anymore. I just can't. I can bang out New Testament 2 before bed, though. (and by "bang out" I mean, of course, a careful reading and reflection of the material -- never know who checks out the blog.)

Book of Daniel

I've been following the (many) storylines since the pilot last week. And, I've been following some of the scuttlebut as well (google it, there's plenty more). There was a call-in talk radio show last week that was blaitantly fishing for people to call in and be aghast at what they saw. One of the callers was. She said she shut it off before it was over and will *never* watch it again. Most of the callers said they were okay with it. One woman called and laughingly asked how many more "soap opera cliches" they could have added in one episode. Well, as of last night we learned that there are more cliches than we thought. I'm waiting for my Mum to call and ask me if that's what the Episcopal Church is really like. The real shocker as I see it, is that Daniel preaches to a full house every Sunday! That's such a lie! That never really happens. The nerve of that show to show such images. ;-)

I haven't forgotten you

Yes, it's been a crazy-busy term, but that's nothing new. The reason I've not written you is because of SPYWARE! Over the past couple weeks our computer had gotten slower and slower until it was nothing more than a really expensive paper weight. Three hours and a few hundred dollars later, Sean, our computer guy, got us back up and running again. There's a special place for people who program and distribute spyware.