and the award goes to ...

Delivering bad news to a patient's family is never easy. Part of every medical student's training includes a practicum based on real life scenarios. This gives the students the opportunity to experience in a safe environment what they will encounter later on in their careers. That's why they asked the chaplains to play the parts of family members for the medical students.

They has a list of things they had to say to us. The first was of course, your family member is dead. From there it was things like, do you have any questions?; I'm available for you if you do; and finally, do you want an autopsy. They had to maintain eye contact and react to our emotions either verbally or non-verbally. Matt (another chaplain and my scene partner) and I decided to do everything we could to prevent them from gettng through their list. I'm happy to report that all of out students got through everything. Not all did so with ease, though.

We wanted to do something different for each of our six victims -- uh, I mean students. Some emotions are more tiring than others. For instance, our version of Good Cop/Bad Cop was easy. We did this twice. First I was angry and he was emotionally disconnected, then we switched. Then we did two kinds of denial at the same time. He heard the doctor say dad was dead and didn't want to believe it. I told the doctor she had the wrong person. The highlight of the drama was out attacks on eachother. Richard Burton and Liz Taylor would be proud. Most tiring was the "Help-Me-Jesus routine." As soon as the doctor told us dad was dead we collapsed into eachothers arms and cried out to Jesus so much, the doctor couldn't finish what she came to do. That was exhausting. The student stayed with us the whole time. Eventually she did get through her checklist. She got a special mention afterwards. Then, the favorite of the afternoon was the "Thank-God-He's-Dead" scenario. The student left absolutely confused. He got through his list, but not easily. It wasn't easy to think of new things in just a few minutes between scenarios.

We really tried not to break character. It didn't help to hear the other chaplains in the room next door go into fits of wailing and gnashing of teeth. Good thing laughing and crying sound a lot alike. We put these students through a very difficult experience. I think they're going to do well when they get out there in the real world. Meanwhile, I will accept nominations for best actress in a dramatically comic reality docu-drama short.

keep your hands where I can see them

Everybody in Chicago has a gun. There are security guards who commute on the CTA with their side arms still with them. A little dangerous on a crowded train I think. What really gets me is that the security guards at the hospital are issued guns and ballistic vests. It seems to me that a hospital is a place of healing, not harming. Honestly, are they really going to shoot someone in the hospital? I would never claim to be able to judge the shooting skill by appearances; but heaven help us from bad aim and stray bullets.

please keep in your prayers...

It was a long night last night. I was on call at the hospital. A young woman had a clot removed from her brain on Friday. By Saturday night her condition was "grave"; multi-organ failure. I don't think she has long for this world. Later in the night a 52 year old man died on the operating table during liver transplant surgery. He is survived by his wife and 10 year old daughter; no other family. Finally, a 51 year old man died, leaving his partner of fifteen years. His partner held a constant vigil since Tuesday when it was decided to cease medications. The room was filled with flowers and pictures. I stayed as he and his brother removed each picture and told the story behind it. The men shared a house together with a beautiful garden. The partner took clippings from each plant and created a miniature or their backyard garden so the patient would have a little bit of home in his hospital room. Words can't express the fullness of the love or the loss. You can't tell me that kind of love goes against scripture. That kind of love is what it's all about, brothers and sisters.

Keep them all in your prayers.

calling all Dahills

I've been to a lot of cities. In each new place I visit, I look through the yellow and white pages to find Dahills. There don't seem to be too many of us; or at least we've done nothing to garner media attention (yet). Today I decided to do a google search of my name. Some things I expected to find, others were a surprise. I found myself there right away. There were old reviews of shows I designed many years ago. I found my more recent work on somebody else's site. As I scrolled page after page I found Dahills in many places, some doing some very good things. One of the more interesting is this. Later, I found something that made the sadness of that better. On the sporting front, Kathleen Dahill finished 68th in a road race in Maryland. I think I found Richard's fantasy football team standings (Rich? That's not really you is it?) I know which Dahill to contact if I have questions about my benefits plan. They link you as "Ms. Dahill." Respect sistah, yeah. And speaking of Ms. Dahill, also on the sporting front: she's doing quite well for herself. Lisa Dahill, that's Reverend to you, is doing a great deal of social justice work within the Lutheran Chrurch. Most of what I found dealt with issues of inclusion of gays and lesbians in the Lutheran Church. I am, as far as I can tell, the only Dahill in my area. Maybe I'll take a trip out to San Fran. Rev. Lisa doesn't know me yet, but she's gonna love me. So cheers to the Dahills I know and the ones I haven't met yet. Keep up the good work; see you soon.

by the numbers

Today in amateur psych 101 we discussed our Enneagram numbers. Basically there's this circle, see, and it's got 1 through 9 around the perimeter. Each number corresponds to a list of traits that describe our personalities. The numbers have arrows and "wings" connecting them to other numbers making the whole thing look like a dream-catcher. A couple of the numbers don't connect to other numbers like the others do, thus leaving a gaping hole in the dream-catcher through which the nightmare of amateur psychoanalysis can come through. It's kind of like the numerical version of the lettered Meyers-Briggs traits. We were given an overview of the traits of each number and we had to decide what our numbers are. I can identify with all of the numbers.

There are people in my group who put a great deal of value on this system. It was really important to some of my colleagues that I settle on one number. Ask me something today and my answer may be different if you ask me the same thing again tomorrow. What's wrong with being able to identify with traits beyond arrows and wings? If I have to pick a number, then I pick ... Twelve.

I don't want to be a number -- I'm not good at math.

As a tool for getting a general idea of how to effectively communicate with someone (or understand yourself) the Enneagram is fine. Certainly it's not the only way, nor is it exclusive of other means. That goes for Myers-Briggs too. Some days I'm extroverted, somedays I'm introverted. I am greater than the sum of numbers or letters.

no big brother here

I came across a free service the other day. It offered a counter for my blog so I can know how many people have nothing better to do with their time than to read what I write. It also offered to tell me exactly who came to visit, where they originated from, and what their e-mail address is. How wonderful, I thought, to know so much information about someone so obviously intelligent as you. Then I thought, if I have access to this information, then the service provider offering this super-duper special counter has access to it also. Long story short: your secret identities are safe. Much as I would like to know who y'all are, it's not worth giving or selling your information to anyone. Spammers, and the demons who created pop-ups, will have to get to you by some other means.

another blogging newbie

This is my friend Bruce. Well, kind of. Check out his shiny new blog.

And try to keep up with the Tour de Lance, uh, I mean France. Go number 7!

trust and forgiveness

Been working on these two over the past couple weeks. I dunno if I've gotten to the heart of either of them.

I recon trust comes in two varieties: assumed and genuine. Assumed is probably more like presumed. Genuine is clearly earned. I think we all like to hope that our assumed trust in someone is enough. Genuine trust is worth a whole lot more in my estimation.

On the ambulance it was not unusual to have a change of partners every few months. It was assumed that the new partner knew what he or she was doing. It was assumed that the partner would back you up. It was assumed that the partner would pull his or her own weight. I was fortunate that that trust was usually well founded. But nothing earns trust like experience.

We lived in a world of extremes. Trust was often gauged by a life-or-death situation: if I got shot in the line of duty, would I trust my partner with my life? There were times when I would ask myself that question while looking at a coworker that I didn't particularly care for and find myself thinking "yes" without reservation. Against that scenario, everything else seems trivial. Would I trust my friend with the keys to my car? Would I trust my professor to check on the apartment while I'm away? Would I trust a colleague with a very personal story? ...Hmmm. There are things worse than death I suppose.

Forgiveness. Is it simply excusing a mistake or offence? Is the quality realtive to the mistake or offence? I think it has something to do with not allowing the hurt from the mistake or offence to continue to affect the relationship. Is it easier to forgive someone else or ask to be forgiven by someone else? The quality of forgiveness is different. If it's relative to the mistake or offence, it's also relative to the direction in which it travels.

Forgive and forget are not the same even though they are often paired. But forgiveness without forgetting still acknowledges the stain left on the relationship by the mistake or offence. The slate can never be wiped clean so the relationship will always be marred by the mistake or offence. So even though one party decides to do away with the hurt inflicted by the other party, it's still there. Can there be genuine forgiveness without forgetting?

Trust and forgiveness. That would be a great title for a Jerry Springer episode.

"Not nobody! Not nohow!"

I tried to get in touch with the offices of another diocese. They weren't at all keen on me. I told them they were expecting my call to make an appointment with the bishop. I was routed to another office. There I was told that they'd have to call me back. All I want to do is make an appointment! They are expecting me! They haven't called back yet. I'll try again tomorrow. It's too soon to be getting a bad feeling about this.

CPE update

First, I miss trauma. Some people go up to the special care nursery when they need to settle themselves. I head to the ER. We're not a trauma center so I don't see the stab wounds, or assaults, or overdoses that I really enjoy. I'll stroll through the waiting area and nobody's bleeding or vomiting. Maybe crazy, but that's something I miss about EMS. There's an energy there that I haven't found anywhere else. Oh well. I don't miss picking up heavy people, or deadly airborne pathogens like monkey pox (that was a crappy experience). It's all part and parcel of the same thing, so I'll get over the lack of trauma.

Second, I have been given such gifts by patients, and they don't realize it. It's such a privilege to go into their rooms and chat. They could easily tell me to get out (some do), but for a few minutes they let me into their lives. I can't begin to say the kinds of things people share with the chaplain. It's such an extraordinary gift. I'm humbled. The patients give me so much more than I give them.

It's a good experience. The other people in my group include Alicia, Catholic lay woman; Greg, United Church of Christ; Ira, Jewish rabbi; Matt, Presbyterian; Maco, Roman Catholic nun, and Ana, UU. Our supervisor, Mark, is an ordained Presbyterian. We all get along well and our conversations are consistently insightful. I really enjoy working with them. It's hard to believe we're already at the half-way point.

who are the people in your neighborhood?

Thanks to Raisin and her technical support, I've figured out how to include links to other blogs. Just to give you an idea of the way others do it, I created links to the blogs of some of the people who have left comments here. Take a peek and see what other people's stuff is like. This blogging thing is kind of popular and there's a few people who are very active.

Raisin is fairly new with interesting postings. You'll step into the middle of a long, but very interesting conversation with Jane. Beth can be fun and amusing with the occasional academic gem. I don't know what the graph image is in Wes'. You'll have to ask him yourself. AKMA can be confusing. He does that on purpose, don't take it personally.

Have fun. Do as you will. Most importantly, remember blogs are personal opinions, take them for what they are. Do your own research if that's what you came looking for, otherwise enjoy the ride.

Ordinary Basil

My dad used to talk about the comic strip Prince Valiant. He'd get a gleam in his eye when he recounted the adventures of the characters every week. I don't know exactly how long he followed it, or how long each particular story line ran. I just remember how he loved it. I tried to follow it a couple times, but I could never get into the story. Now I know.

I've been a huge fan of the Sunday Nonsequitur serial "Ordinary Basil." (http://www.ucomics.com/nonsequitur) I wait all week for the paper to find out what will happen next. It's like Sunday is Christmas morning every week. I tear open the Tribune to get to the strip, but I read it last -- it's like dessert. When I tell people life is all about adventure, this is what I mean.

I don't know if this strip appears in the Maine Sunday Telegram, or the Globe, or whatever Portsmouth paper you get. But Dad, if you're out there, I finally know what you mean.

"a cheerful heart is good medicine" (proverbs 17:22)

I attended a teleconference today on the topic of religion and cardiovascular health. Now, anyone who knows me knows that cardiology is a topic very near and dear to my heart (no pun intended ... well). The main point was that people who are religious -- and that is basically defined as people who attend worship services on a regular basis -- are less likely to suffer from cardiovascular (CV) disease.

Presented to us was a graphic showing a network of interrelated CV risk factors that are effected by the inherent aspcts of a faith community. The risk factors included behaviors (smoking, diet, physical exercise), exposure to stress, the appraisal of stressors, the physiological response to stressors, emotional health and social factors. The religion attributes included values, beliefs, ritual/devotional practices, experiences, and relationships. To put this into a context, consider a cycle of events: strong social support networks decrease the CV risks, religion offers community, community increases socialization, back to the top of the circle.

According to the research, people who are religious are less likely to appraise a stressful event as a high threat, thus minimizing the detrimental physiological effects of the adrenaline "dump" in a fight-or-flight response. Now, you might say, "but Laurel, I thought adrenaline was a protective biochemical." Good point. The difference, however, lies in how the religious person uses that dump verses how a not religious person uses it. For instance, say you're a not religious person, and someone cuts you off in traffic, nearly causing a terrible accident. You would get the natural adrenaline reaction which is instinctive and self-protective, allowing you to maneuver out of harms way. Long after the adrenaline wears off, you're heart is still pumping away at a higher rate, your respiration is still increased, but the adrenaling has been reabsorbed and isn't working for your benefit anymore. Stress creates cholesterol, which is another CV risk factor. The religious person, by comparison according to this presentation, gets the same adrenaline dump, and maneuvers appropriately, but when the event is past, it's done; no road rage. The car that cut you off is not perceived as a threat to the religious person as it is to the not religious person.

Okay, maybe that's a gross generalization of type-A personalities. How about this: a 1987-1999 study of the relationship between religious attendance and circulatory disease mortality.

In an 8 year interval people who attended church services less than once a week had a 22% increase in mortality from CV disease than people who attended services more than weeky. This was adjusted for age, sex, race, region and socioeconomic status. The same patterns and results occurred nation-wide regardless of reigon, race, age, gender, and confounding factors. People who never attend has a 67% increase.

The presenter made only one technical mistake. He confused atherosclerosis and arteriosclerosis, and sometimes used atherosclerosis for both presenting conditions. I didn't correct him. It wasn't worth it. Other than that, it was a really good presentation. Religion and cardiology, at the same time, gosh; make a stage play out of it and it's got my name written all over it!

Now, given that Seabury offers worship services up to four times a day during the week, I'd say we're a very cardiovascularly healthy group of people.

Everyone, this is Cody

Kathryn and I spent the last holiday on her parent's farm in Cannon Falls, MN. We went riding Saturday and Sunday. This is the horse I ride when we go for a visit. His name is Cody. He's half quarterhorse and half Tennesee Walker. The transition to full gallop is bumpy, but when he runs, it's like gliding.

This is a pretty good shot, but it doesn't show just how big he is. He's the tallest horse on the farm. I need a leg up to reach the stirrup. It's a few inches higher than my hip.

We were trail riding on the 4th when we heard machine gun fire. Jeff, Greg and I were able to keep the horses from freaking out. It cut the ride short. We saw an eagle swooping down along the cannon river. That made up for the gun shots. No pix of the eagle sadly. She went by so fast anyways.

We've got other pix of the farm from previous trips. I see if I can get them posted.

Orange Alert!

Our nation is in an Orange Alert. The hospital has responded by initiating its policy of having all critical personnel keep their pagers and photo IDs with them at all times. This is very important because when the sh*t hits the fan, the seven intern chaplains (some of whom still don't know how to work the pagers and phones) will be called in to restore order. I hope that leaves you all with an abiding sense of peace.

that was quick

Wow. I'm impressed that so many of my seminary colleagues have found my blog. So much for keeping it close to the vest. Thanks for the welcome y'all. (And a shout out to those who drop by but don't leave a comment -- you know who you are.) Check back frequently and watch as I muddle my way through blogging. Try to keep the laughter to a dull roar. Someday I hope to be as savvy as you veterans.

carillon evening

Last night at the school there was a free carillon performance. It was awesome. I've never been to anything like that before. The AV guy at school set up a closed-circuit video feed of Wylie Crawford the carillonneur. Kinda like pay-per-view. I believe the Women's Board funded the event. We've got a great Women's Board here. It's so cool when they all come by the seminary for meeting. Very nice ladies. Anyways, I was having a difficult afternoon and it was just the salve I needed. I got there in time to hear "Simple Gifts" ("'Tis a gift to be simple, 'tis a gift to be free..." that one.) I love that one. There will be other performances before the summer ends too.

Nooooooo!!!

So I'm sitting on a bench talking with someone for fifteen minutes. I had my knee bent up a little. We finish our chat and I get up to walk and I limp for FIVE MINUTES! I am not getting old. No. No. No. No. No.

blue shirt black pants, blue shirt black pants, blue shir-...

I've been an official Chicago commuter now for a couple weeks. One thing I've noticed is the men's apparel amongst Chicagoans. Blue shirt, black pants. There's hundreds of them. It's like a uniform. There's a variation with blue shirt and tan trousers, but I think maybe it's lower on the corporate totem. I can hear the 6am cell call:

"Bill. It's Dan. I'm calling to see what you were wearing today."
"The usual: blue shirt, black pants. You?"
"I was thinking of blue shirt, tan pants today."
"... Did you get demoted?"
"No. I just thought it would be cooler. Are we still on for golf this afternoon?"
"Uh... I think I've got something to do this afternoon."
"Oh, how 'bout Thursday?"
"Uh... got a meeting that day."
"Wednesday?"
"Meeting then too."
"Well how 'bout -- hello? Bill?"

You see, I think it's an issue of corporate fashion assumptions (I'm sure there's a better word in French, but I can't think of it). It's not that men can't wear, say, a floral print. The assumed femininity of flowers isn't the issue. The issue is that floral prints are irregular. I don't think men can get away with irregular patterns. Solid colors and stripes are regular. Therefore, the regular pattern of blue shirt, black pants qualifies as acceptable men's corporate attire. That so many are falling into step says to me: safety in numbers.

I've stopped counting them, there are so many. I give myself an extra point if he's also sporting an iPod. Extra-double points for women in the blue shirt, black pants motif. Yes, there are some. But I've yet to see a woman with the iPod accessory. Game over if that happens.

I stumbled upon a blogger who talks only about CTA observations: http://kjo84.typepad.com/cta_tattler/
Interesting, and a good snapshot of the CTA sub-culture. (take that anyway you like)

staying with the herd

So I've succumbed to the blog trend. I just can't handle peer pressure. Anyhow, this will serve as a place where my friends and family back home can go to check in with my adventures out here on the frontier. Check back again later for the next exciting episode. If I can figure this blog thing out I may even post pix before too long.

ta.